1. Take a cucumber or two. Peel it (them). Slice it lengthwise in half, and then halve the halves. Slice these into one-inch chunks.
2. In a pan that has a tight-fitting lid, heat one tablespoon of butter on medium heat. Coat cucumber in butter, cover. Braise for 5 min.
3. Remove cover (important!) and add 1 tsp lemon juice, 1/2 tsp salt, and a pinch of dried mint (I used peppermint tea from a Celestial Seasonings teabag). Stir and cover for two more minutes.
4. Eat. Revel. Wallow in the amazingly decadent taste of braised cucumbers.

If I hear about another "Ugly Sweater slash Christmas" party I think my head might explode from the sheer retardedness of it all.

Themed parties = hit or miss. Some good themed party ideas:

-Wear a Fresh Squid Somewhere on Your Person (But Make Us Guess Where!)
-Stockholm Syndrome Anonymous (Refreshments and hostages will be provided)
-I Grow Toward the Light (everyone must lean closer and closer to the nearest light source, and must move elsewhere in the room when they're about to fall over)
-Questions Only (All dialogue must be performed in queries)
-We Are All Most Definitely Not Secret Agents (No I am Not Speaking Into My Collar, I Just Had to Cough)
-Roasting a Large Dead Animal (alternately, Roasting a Large Dead Tofu (alternately alternately, Roasting a Large Inanimate (Stuffed) Animal))
-Excessive use of "Finger Quotes" for Sarcastic or Ironic Effect Party
-Biggest Douche of the Year Award Ceremony
-Drag in Drag (dress like a member of the opposite sex trying to dress like a member of your own sex)
-Your New Overlord (Or, What Will The New Overlords of the Human Race Look Like?) Winner will receive a globe.
-Creep Up Behind People While They're Talking and Attempt to Harmonize With the Pitch In Which They're Speaking (Music majors only)


Now I can see why most of my social interactions quickly devolve into improv.